SONG TO SUSANIE!

SONG TO SUSANIE


Been to hell and back and never learned my lesson, now its back to hell again.


I grew up in pain - anger, hatred, enmity.
I am a pained child wanting to break free from the excruciating pain caused by what i believe is self inflicted.
I fell and stood up.
I continue to stand despite the rather intense force pulling me down the puddle of agony.
I moved on with a life filled rejection, lies, pretensions, deception and make-believe.

I came across people with the hope of being rescued from falling deeper and swallowed fully.
I fall for people who i make myself believe could exceed what i can give.
But i always end up losing.
First the person, next myself.

I have experienced losing myself.
Yet i tried to regain that self.
That self which i gradually come to dislike, hate, loathe and abhor.
That self that i used to love.

I am a pained child.
I have been hurt over and over again.
Like that mat at the doorstep.
Stepped upon, trampled upon.
I have been smashed to the brink of death.
A death i am starting to pray for.

People envy me.
They think i have everything.
Yet i really don't love myself.
I am a broken soul.
So broken that i start to feel death hovering over me.

For the last time i gave myself its last chance.

to be continued.......................



-TIBO RIVERA